Shattered Heart
by RainbowSerenity
Summary: SPOLIERS for 3rd and 4th volumes...Alice's heart is breaking, and Kyo has finally discovered his own feelings. Alice's thoughts in the rain.


_I don't own Alice 19th, it belongs to the awesome and creative Yuu Watase. This fic DOES contain spoilers for the third and fourth volumes, so if you haven't read those and want to be surprised, I'm warning you now. :P_

Questions/Comments: gypsyness87yahoo.com

Hey hey, I'm RainbowSerenity. Wow, they seriously need to add an Alice 19th category...at this rate, there will be more Alice 19th fics than Imadoki ones! Meh, I'm sure there will be more Imadoki ones, though, once the first manga comes out in July...-evil laugh-

Okay, enough about that. Anyway, I spewed up this little idea when I was reading my fourth Alice 19th for the tenth time in two days...I just love little lovey-dovey scenes (Don't believe me? Check out my other fics. :P I'm a shojo girl! WAA!), and this one stirred up all sorts of emotions in me, and what better way to let them out than write? Though I do wish Frey was in this scene...he's just so seksi...-drools- Damn you Kyo, for being the main love interest!

Okay, okay, I'm done with my freakish little intro. I present to you...

**Shattered Heart**

I stared into my cell phone screen, ignoring the one _'plip' _of a tear that blurred it. I quickly wiped it off with my thumb, looking to make sure no one was watching me. But who would? As if I even cared anymore. Sis was back, la de da. Everyone was paying attention to her, once again seeing me as 'Mayura Seno's little sister'.

Except...

My heart began to race at the very _thought _of it. Kyo was Mayura's boyfriend...right? He kept saying he wanted to break up, but Sis wasn't letting it happen. I _know _how she feels. I really, truly do. I know what it's like to try to get someone's attention for so long, and when you finally had it, you were on Cloud Nine.

So why in the name of Lotis did Kyo kiss me? _ME, _Alice Seno, the mere shadow of Mayura? What did it mean? Was he somehow aware of the spell Mayura had set on him, and was undercover or something for the Mara?

I absentmindedly shook my head. No, no, of course not. Nyozeka had seen the spell cast. If Kyo heard a word of love from someone other than Mayura—he would die a painful death. I couldn't understand why she would do that, though—it was like she _wanted_ me to finally admit the truth, that I love Kyo. Why would Sis want to torture me like this?

I lifted my arm a little, and my Lotis bracelet slipped down my wrist a fraction. _Rangu_, my first Lotis word, it's supposed to mean 'courage' according to Nyozeka...and yet here I am, as cowardly as ever. Too cowardly to tell Kyo before this whole mess started that I loved him more than anything...and too foolish now to stop loving him.

But what were _his _feelings? Was it just a fluke he had kissed me? I was on Cloud Eighteen—no, better. This was something that I thought would only happen in my wildest dreams, and we were there. He was holding me in his arms, just like I had always imagined. His lips tasted sweet, sweeter than anything I had ever tasted, like those cakes he could bake. I was beginning to think that it would never end...Kyo and I could stand there in each other's embrace for all eternity, not giving a care about the Lotis words, the Mara, or anyone's Inner Heart. Not a care in the world.

Of course Mayura would always be keeping a watch...did she really think I would snap, that I would _want _Kyo to die? Of course not, which was why I had been avoiding him since he had pulled me into his arms that fateful day. I couldn't face him, knowing that somehow, I _would _blurt out the forbidden words.

Still...I wish I could ask him...what that kiss meant. But I can't. If I looked into Kyo's eyes now, I'd end up saying...it. I feel so guilty about what I did to Mayura and...I'm so scared of her. Until I come to terms with my own feelings...I'd better stay away from...

My thoughts were interrupted when someone tapped my shoulder. I jumped slightly, and even more when I saw it was...him. Kyo. My heart began to race, and I knew nothing would slow it down.

"Alice, got a second?" he asked, a serious look on his face. I gave a little nod, and I followed him up to the roof of the school. The weather seemed to match my mood; it was gray, dreary, and it was starting to rain. Thank goodness for that—the rain could mask any tears of mine that were threatening to spill.

"You've been avoiding me for days," he said, staring at me with those beautiful eyes of his. How I knew he was staring, I had no idea since I was looking straight out the gates at people getting out of school and going on buses home, not catching his eye. I didn't reply and looked at my feet.

"Are you mad that I...about what happened?"

I bit my lip. My heart was threatening to break into a million pieces right then and there. Oh Kyo, if I could tell you right now, I would throw myself in your arms and breathe your sweet scent. I _do _love you, I have ever since I saw you in the Archery Club. I could never be mad about what happened; how could I be when it was the best thing to _ever _happen to me?

I was so close to just telling him, and not caring of the consequences and just getting it out there. He _had _to know. I opened my mouth to reply, and my Lotis bracelet inched down my wrist again, reminding me of his inevitable death if I uttered those three words.

I took a deep breath, ignoring the sudden pain my chest. "...It makes no difference to me." I replied. "Actually, I've forgotten all about it!" My heart was breaking. It was amazing that I just didn't collapse right then and there. "You weren't yourself that day," I added. Just as I'm not myself now. I'm so sick of pretending—Sis, why this curse? Why have you gone into the darkness leaving others to suffer?

I turned and started to walk away, figuring this was as much as I could take. Kyo grabbed the metal wire twists of the gate with a soft little _'cling', _adapting my previous look of staring at the ground. His other fist was clenched; with what emotion, I couldn't tell. I just knew I had to get out of there before we were both dead.

"Is that all you had to say?" I asked, continuing to walk to the stairs that would lead me to the bottom floor. "It's starting to rain. I'd better go," I added for effect, even though I was already going. Going to get my heart even more shattered than it was.

There were already puddles forming from the rain that was falling more heavily by now. My feet splashed lightly in them, ignoring the fact I was getting my shoes soaked. I was suffering enough. Why did he chose now of all times to respond to me? My heart couldn't take this.

I realized there were footsteps behind me. Before I could turn around, I heard Kyo cry out, _"ALICE!!" _ for what seemed like the whole world to hear. I didn't have time to push him away before he grasped my shoulder, pulling me towards him, and I once again met his sweet lips.

My eyes immediately closed as his hand wove around my back. I was amazed he couldn't hear my heart pounding; then again, it was probably drowned out by the rain that still pouring. The rest of my body froze—Kyo was kissing me again. So last time wasn't really just a fluke, like I half-imagined it was? Did he...really...?

All too soon, it seemed, he took his mouth off mine; though we had probably been standing there in the rain a long time since all the buses were gone and the streets in front of the school were no longer so crowded. I began to shiver, but I had a feeling it wasn't because of the rain.

Though his lips were apart from mine, he still kept his face very close to mine—I could smell Frey's jam and his own sweet cakes on his warm breath, and those eyes of his bored straight into mine.

"I haven't forgotten...not for one second!" he said quietly, but harshly. "You must think I'm fickle, because of this thing with Mayura...maybe I'm a hopeless idiot but...now that I know how I really feet, I'm not smart enough—or strong enough—to fake it."

Kyo...no, oh please no. Though it seemed impossible, the thudding in my heart increased tenfold. Somehow, I knew what he was going to say, and yet, part of me was shocked to hear the words that rolled off of his tongue next:

"I'm sorry. I...I love you...!!"

My mind instantly flashed with memories of him. Me trying to get him to notice me while I was hanging around the Archery Club, Mayura clutching his arm while I ran away because I couldn't take it, me staring at the fateful photograph. Kyo...I love you. I do, I do from the bottom of my heart. From the moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew it was more than some schoolgirl crush. Oh Kyo, why oh why are you telling this to me now, the one time when it really _can _kill you? You don't need to apologize for the words I have been dying to hear for so very, very long. Because...Kyo...I...I...

"I DO, TOO!" I cried, burying my face in his chest with tears pouring from my eyes. Oh no—what had I done?! Nyozeka, who I had forgotten was in my pocket in her plushie form all this time, hissed my name in worry/anger. I gasped and stood back in horror as blood seemingly shot out from invisible wounds on his body. He fell to his knees in pain and groaned as a horrifying image of flames engulfing him surrounded his body, and I saw the dark light that made up the Mudoru curse that had been branded on him.

His pain seemed to suddenly lessen as I backed up a few steps, letting the rain drench me. My body slacked as I realized this wasn't some horrible nightmare: Kyo was on the verge of death—and it was all my fault.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as he grunted in a pain again and looked up at me, a concerned look on his face. No, Kyo, please don't look at me like that...my heart couldn't take this.

"Alice...?"

"I...I can't...love you back. I'm sorry." I tried to look like I was unconcerned that I had just turned down the person I had loved from the bottom of my heart for so long, like it meant nothing that I was bruising both of our hearts until this curse was lifted.

His eyes widened, and for the first time since I had known him, he looked genuinely heartbroken. He looked as if he couldn't go on unless I returned his feelings, a look I knew very well since I felt just the same way for him. Only I couldn't say the fateful words...if I even wanted a chance at ever loving him, of ever being his girl, I couldn't say the words that would make us belong together.

I couldn't bear the look in his eyes—they were dejected, depressed, and just about the saddest eyes I had ever had to see. Without another word or glance, but so many more tears, I spun on my heel and ran away from him, the man I love, ignoring his own cries for me.

I'm sorry Kyo...I'm so sorry...I love you.

Phew! Hoped you liked it—it certainly killed my fingers. X.X If you read this without reading the manga first, I highly suggest you steal ten bucks from your richest sibling, hightail it to the nearest bookstore, and get the manga.

**Reviews **would be greatly appreciated! I love reviews! (Who doesn't?) And if you want one with a reply, please email me at the address at the beginning of this fic. Thanks for reading, and let us all drool at Frey! –drools-


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